Let love, compassion and hope guide your life

I have alot of respect for Harry O'Brien of Collingwood after having read this........

'YOU are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men."

These are my favourite bible verses from the book of Matthew 5:14-16. These words hold great meaning to me and my desire is to live my life in this way. I am a person who loves to find inspiration through many sources. I am easily inspired by the beauty of life and the infinite possibilities it has to offer. Whether it is art, song lyrics, architecture or even the sight of a mother caring for her child inspires me and sends shivers down my spine.

A major inspiration in my life is my family. During the mid-season break I was fortunate enough to spend a couple of days in Perth with my family. My family is going through the toughest time after losing my father just before the start of the footy season. Despite our immense pain, we know we will get through this. My family's resolve and resilience is holding us together. It is true what they say, "It's not how hard you fall that matters, it's how you get up."

If you look at the most important and influential people in history, you will find countless examples of how their greatest triumphs were derived from tragedy and adversity.

My sister, Raquel, who lives in Perth, is 16 and in year 11. One of her assignments was to write a persuasive speech that she would deliver in front of her class. She courageously decided she would write about her experiences in relation to the passing of our dad.

The day she had to deliver her speech she was very nervous. When her teacher called her up, Raquel walked to the front of the class. She went to open her mouth, but nothing came out. She could feel the blood rushing to her head and started to realise all the eyes in the classroom were on her. The pressure got to be too much. She broke down in tears and ran out of the classroom.

She called my mum, who told her that she had committed to delivering the speech and had to honour that commitment. She also said: "Raquel, what would Dad want you to do?" With the encouraging words, Raquel gathered the courage to return to the classroom to deliver her speech. This is the speech that she delivered, entitled, Suicide:

My dad was a family man. My dad was my hero. He was the most selfless man I had ever met and he would do absolutely anything to make my mum, my brothers and myself happy. He would literally bend over backwards to please us, put smiles on our faces and make our lives as easy as possible.
It was sacrifice. He was constantly sacrificing his spare time and his spare money on us. Whether it be volunteering to coach all my brothers' footy teams, picking my friends and I up from parties at ungodly hours or surprising my mum with a new pair of shoes to show her he loved her.

Unfortunately, life got so difficult and so unbearable for my dad. His final sacrifice was one that has altered our lives forever. It's one that cannot be changed. It's one that's definitely not easy to understand.

Suicide affects hundreds and thousands of Australians every year. In 1998, suicide rates reached an all-time high. Since then, organisations have been established such as Lifeline to offer support to those contemplating taking their own life. With the added awareness on the issue, suicide rates have been gradually decreasing.

But I'm not here today to discuss the prevention of suicide. I'm here to talk to you all about when it comes out of thin air and hits you like a tonne of bricks.

When someone takes their own life most people instantly question why. Why did they do it? Why would anyone want to end their own life? Why didn't they think of all their other options? It's so easy to question why. I know, because I've felt that way. What is harder, but far more important to do, is to try to understand that person's feelings.

Many people see suicide as a selfish option; an escape, so to speak. But what about the famous quote: "Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes"? So, let's get rid of this ideology that it's a "selfish" and "evil" option and consider the despair, the depression, the angst that the person must have been feeling for them to truly believe that their life was no longer worth living.

I can tell you that leading up to suicide the person is no longer themselves. So caught up in thinking how insignificant their life is and how much of a failure they are, despite usually being so far from the truth, to them, it's all they can see.

I can't even begin to imagine the extent of emotional pain people who choose to end their lives must have endured. The mere thought makes me feel deep sympathy and sorrow for all those who have committed suicide.

With the damage irreversible, the decision is huge. The decision is, in fact, life or death.

Shortly after my dad's passing I received some advice from my older brother, Heritier. He said to me: "Raquel, this year is going to be the biggest test of your life. We don't know why Dad did it, we don't need to. What we do know is that Dad loved us and would never do anything to hurt us. You've got to realise that at that very moment, at that very point in time, that was the only option that Dad felt he had. I'm sure if he could turn back time things would be very different. At least now he's found peace."

Since that day, I've never questioned as to why my dad took his life again. After all, questioning why isn't achieving anything. What's done is done. No one knows exactly what that person was going through.

Why is just a rhetorical question. The person who took their life is no longer there to offer you a response. So, instead of speculating all the possible reasons for their decision, I stress for you all, if you ever have to experience this ordeal, to take the time to think of that person's feelings and have compassion and love. Then, I assure you, there will be no need to question why they did it again.

She delivered these words powerfully, without getting choked up. After she finished, the class gave her a standing ovation.

I am so proud and amazed that someone of 16 years of age could have firstly had the courage to choose such a topic, but then be able to stand and deliver this in a powerful way.

I hope that you are all just as inspired as me.

Overcoming adversity is a choice. You and only you can decide how you handle things. Do you choose to drop your head and declare it's all too hard? Or do you choose to raise your chin and meet your situation head-on?

Again I stress, look through history. Nelson Mandela was jailed for 27 years; Ludwig van Beethoven was deaf; Lance Armstrong had life-threatening cancer, the list goes on.

You may question why I chose to share such a personal thing with everyone. I direct you back to the top of the page to remind you how I desire to live my life.

"You are the light of the world, shine before all men!"

Live for hope.

This article also appears on the Collingwood website, where Harry O'Brien is a regular contributor.

For help or information visit www.beyondblue.org.au, call Suicide Helpline Victoria on 1300 651 251, or Lifeline on 131 114

I cannot even imagine what it would feel like and hope I never do. I hope you don't mind me posting this, thought it was truly inspirational!

very moving stuff.

I've lost 2 friends over the years to suicide. Never saw either coming.

Thanks for posting it Desi.

What an incredibly courageous family. Thanks for posting.

Great article by Harry an old school friend committed suicide this year which is hard to take it is something we all need to be more aware of.

Thank you so much Desipura for posting this article. Although it made me cry, I am always grateful to read stories or hear people talk about suriving suicide that offer hope.

As some of you know, I lost my 21 year old son to suicide in January last year. The pain, guilt and anguish is indescribable but I have never felt anger towards my son nor think of him as selfish. Although I have an answer to the "why" question which I am (for the most part) comfortable with, I often revisit the question and will do so until it really is exhausted.

I am so sorry to hear that some of you have been touched by suicide. The tragic fact is more Australians are lost to suicide each year than to road accidents, yet there is a silence and stigma attached to suicide.

My husband and are I are currently involved in two projects which will hopefully help in the prevention of suicide and highlight the need of support for those that are left behind. This is also helping us to deal with our son's death in a positive way even though the journey is excruciating.

Again, thank you Desi for bringing this article to light.

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Originally Posted by MsBulldog

Thank you so much Desipura for posting this article. Although it made me cry, I am always grateful to read stories or hear people talk about suriving suicide that offer hope.

As some of you know, I lost my 21 year old son to suicide in January last year. The pain, guilt and anguish is indescribable but I have never felt anger towards my son nor think of him as selfish. Although I have an answer to the "why" question which I am (for the most part) comfortable with, I often revisit the question and will do so until it really is exhausted.

I am so sorry to hear that some of you have been touched by suicide. The tragic fact is more Australians are lost to suicide each year than to road accidents, yet there is a silence and stigma attached to suicide.

My husband and are I are currently involved in two projects which will hopefully help in the prevention of suicide and highlight the need of support for those that are left behind. This is also helping us to deal with our son's death in a positive way even though the journey is excruciating.

Again, thank you Desi for bringing this article to light.

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Thanks for sharing, MsBulldog.

Some close, family friends of mine lost their son some years ago and I've always marvelled at their strength to stay positive and continue to be fantastic people and celebrate life - your story sounds very similar.

Good luck on your journey.

Saw this in the paper... terrible turn of events, but great to see O'Brien making positives from it... lost a good mate to suicide in '05...still tough to deal with...

thank you Harry for a very couragous article. There are so many people that are embarrased to talk about suiside when it is unfortunatly close to them. It's great to see a story of hope come out of such a tragic time. Jesus is the answer. I too now have alot of respect for Harry'O. Go dogs!!!

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Originally Posted by comrade

Thanks for sharing, MsBulldog.

Some close, family friends of mine lost their son some years ago and I've always marvelled at their strength to stay positive and continue to be fantastic people and celebrate life - your story sounds very similar.

Good luck on your journey.

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Thank you very much for your kind words comrade. I walk with your family friends.

I read this in the paper when I was over on the weekend and was absolutely blown away by it. I couldn't help but feel a little choked up when I read about his sister presenting her talk. I too have lost a mate, close to a year ago, and it certainly is something that seems to happen too often with little or no warning.

A few people have mentioned that there is very little talk about suicide and I am not sure whether I necessarily agree but this is mainly to do with research that suggests that mentioning it in the media etc actually heightens (not reduces) the rate of suicide. I guess they think it plants the idea into the heads of others that are struggling for whatever reason.

What I do think is needed is more community awareness in terms of all facets of depression and better support available to those battling depression. Also as a teacher I have done quite a few courses and uni subjects in these areas and there are indicators that certainly may alert loved ones in some instances. That said, one of my lecturers (who was doing a PHD in the area) actually missed all the signs in her own daughter who ended up in a wheelchair after an attempt.

But well done to Harry O'Brien on probably one of the best articles I have read in the paper this year. Good luck to everyone with their own personal circumstances too, I think it shows an incredible strength to come on here and talk about them.