Challenge male stereotypes to stop violent attitudes towards women

[azabob]

Which post are you referring to Remi Moses? I can't find one that attempts humour whatsoever. If it's mine you're referring to then let me know and I'll let you know something about your misconception.

BID, I am 99.5% certain Remi isn't refering to you.

[BornInDroopSt'54]

BID, I am 99.5% certain Remi isn't refering to you.

Thanks Azabob. I wasn't sure.

[LostDoggy]

Sadly some ( even on here ) trivialise domestic violence .
Good on Marcus

Sadly it's a hell of a lot more complex an issue than simply wearing white ribbons and demanding you "stand up to your dickhead mate".

Domestic violence needs to rise above the gender discussion and the propensity for hashtags before any real change can be made.

[jeemak]

Sadly it's a hell of a lot more complex an issue than simply wearing white ribbons and demanding you "stand up to your dickhead mate".

Domestic violence needs to rise above the gender discussion and the propensity for hashtags before any real change can be made.

It's an extremely curious (albeit serious) debate, and one that's more than prone to being overtaken by social media slacktivism as it stands right now.

However, there's absolutely no doubt that the most damage is being done by male perpetrators when it comes to domestic violence. Men and women are not equal in this equation, if you view it from the perspective of the genuine physical and mental harm inflicted between the sexes there is no contest between them.

[Ghost Dog]

Yet, we celebrate 'big hits' in AFL? and then say 'it's part of the game' while clearly loving every minute of it.
People like Luke Hodge are not taken to task for callous acts for example.
No way am I immune to it either. I was at a party and talking up Liam Picken, because he is from my hometown. Someone recounted several tough acts and suddenly I felt a bit uneasy. Grinding Gary Ablett Jr shoulder into the ground when it was a known injury a case in point
Ironic that the AFL is the mouthpiece for domestic violence when our game is one of the great celebrators of sanctioned violence.
Still, never will be a soccer fan.

[bulldogtragic]

I heard from a good source interstate there's a review of crisis accomodation in their state, as major towns have precisely no crisis accomodation. One thought bubble being explored is state based tax benefits to landlords to have shorter and cheaper leases available if their properties are offered to victims of domestic violence to allow them to break the cycle. My first reaction is what a brilliant idea. My second further thought is will landlords actually participate? I hope they do.

The issue looks unfortunately to me to be falling into 'Kony' type slaktivism (did they catch him?). Projects like above are a good start. Domestic violence leave for employees is another good start. Making it even easier for police to obtain urgent intervention orders is a another good start. Having courts enforce stricter penalties for breaches is important, more convictions added to guilty findings and big fines payable to organisations funding domestic violence relief. I'm not a great fan of minimum sentencing, but it may be a case for it too. I'd even suggest trialling US style private investigators (under strict supervision) to act as bounty hunters for higher risk intervention order offenders as police simply don't have the resources to do it. Mandatory anger management courses. Of course more education and high profile ambassadors trying to get the message to the next generation.

This and more could be in force today but it's not. So are governments really wanting to make a big difference, or just sound like they're making a big difference. In the time I wrote this post, a handful of women just got bashed.

[Twodogs]

The issue looks unfortunately to me to be falling into 'Kony' type slaktivism (did they catch him?). Projects like above are a good start. Domestic violence leave for employees is another good start. Making it even easier for police to obtain urgent intervention orders is a another good start. Having courts enforce stricter penalties for breaches is important, more convictions added to guilty findings and big fines payable to organisations funding domestic violence relief. I'm not a great fan of minimum sentencing, but it may be a case for it too. I'd even suggest trialling US style private investigators (under strict supervision) to act as bounty hunters for higher risk intervention order offenders as police simply don't have the resources to do it.

Wouldn't that cost more? It would mean that we are paying a person to do a job and someone to oversee it as well.

[bulldogtragic]

Wouldn't that cost more? It would mean that we are paying a person to do a job and someone to oversee it as well.

Not necessarily, my English is how do say? Inelegant. What I should've probably said is a tightly regulated trial and potential industry and tight licensing of individuals to ensure safety of all parties and keep out Cowboy PI types. PIs have oversight already for instance. Ensured professional and law abiding bounty hunters.

There are many numerous large private investigative bodies, with lots of ex coppers on their books with PI licences. They could do their normal work but take on a contract from The Police Force with high enough value targets at risk of committing serious acts of violence, not appearing on bail and likely to reoffends (warrant issued), those refusing to receipt intervention orders by falsifying addresses or recidivist offenders of breaching intervention orders. A price per successful contract then paid to the company. Worth looking into in my estimation.

[jeemak]

If the issue is as bad as reported (and I have no reason to believe it isn't) then resources beyond the police with more thorough and specific training are probably required.

[bornadog]

The issue is at epidemic proportions as some of the the stats show:

* Just under half a million Australian women reported that they had experienced physical or sexual violence or sexual assault in the past 12 months.

* More than a million women had experienced physical or sexual assault by their male current or ex-partner since the age of 15 (some women may be counted twice if they experienced both physical and sexual assault).

These are only the women who have reported violence against them, god only knows how many assaults occur and are not reported.

[LostDoggy]

Policing will never fix the problem though, it can only help reduce the damage/consequences. And all of these awareness campaigns are great, but can only make so much difference. We are talking about endemic human behaviour that has existed/been hidden for centuries.

It's such a difficult topic.

I have a close family member who is an intelligent, capable woman who keeps going back to her abusive partner. I talk to her regularly about it and think about it every day. It does my head in.

To me, every person, family and extended family/community needs to take individual responsibility in matters like these. Societal authorities like governments and police can help with education and picking up the pieces, but otherwise it's up to us - individual by individual.

[Remi Moses]

Wow you can spam a point. Even more so when you don't understand what was being discussed.

So enlighten me ?

[BornInDroopSt'54]

What I'm about to say is not blaming the victim, on the contrary it empowers the victim which is why I mention it.

Every victim is complicit in the victimisation. As Peanuts Peanuts suggests, this is an animal, instinctive side of human nature that goes back to the cave. Being meat eaters we are predatory. Every predator watches his/her prey, easy when it's your partner. The predator looks for vulnerable behaviour before they pounce. If a dog targets you, don't run. There are ways to behave that lessen the chance of attack. Be aware and don't act like a victim because that sets off the predator's instincts like a red rag to a bull.

I went by myself to Europe and Morocco with the above knowledge, I am 62 yo. I knew I could be targetted by thieves etc. I thought most people confronted by a thief would have the attitude "Don't hurt me, here's my wallet" They do. I bet that if I didn't follow that pattern the predator wouldn't bother, preferring easy meat. I was confronted about four or five times, young men in groups who tried to engage me then push me over. I raised my fist and challenged them. On every occasion they all backed off immediately, they had a routine and if it was interrupted then the attack was off, not worth it, they'd wait for the compliant victim.

What can women or men do in domestic violence situation, if they can't raise a fist like I did? Firstly learn to recognise the predatory behaviour and show no fear, immediately use body language to show strength. Let's face it abusers are cowards believing their victim is weak, that's what they are looking for. If he hits you leave him works wonderfully but it's so hard for the wife/partner. However it's much worse if they don't, so they must. So the potential victim must have an escape route and be prepared to go to a safe house or a women's refuge, even if it is frightening and demeaning in itself. The victim doesn't want anyone to know, it's so demeaning but the alternative is worse because he will repeat offend if you cower and stay after violence and it will become ingrained behaviour because you have rewarded the beast with the power he wants.

Having said that, like you PP, I had a close friend of my partner of 12 years, a single mum, a senior manager with emotional intelligence and lots of nous who was repeatedly hit and kicked by her strong willed 16 yo son. She eventually reported him, he went to counselling once or twice then it repeated. I so wanted to report him but she didn't want me to because he would be charged and there would be implications for his career. It can be hard. He's now a successful professional but no doubt still a sociopath. However it is different when you are a single parent and your child is the perpetrator, yet I still believe the body language stuff can work and that she and her boy fell into a pattern of behaviour that can be broken. If it's your partner and he/she is violent or abusive, then he is not your partner and you are his/her victim and leave him/her. It leaves the possibility of returning if they show sincere remorse, so not all hope of the relationship is lost but you must not comply by accepting being a victim.

[Ghost Dog]

Policing will never fix the problem though, it can only help reduce the damage/consequences. And all of these awareness campaigns are great, but can only make so much difference. We are talking about endemic human behaviour that has existed/been hidden for centuries.

It's such a difficult topic.

I have a close family member who is an intelligent, capable woman who keeps going back to her abusive partner. I talk to her regularly about it and think about it every day. It does my head in.

To me, every person, family and extended family/community needs to take individual responsibility in matters like these. Societal authorities like governments and police can help with education and picking up the pieces, but otherwise it's up to us - individual by individual.

I agree with this. So often we try to take policy initiatives, but at the same time, cut funding to grass roots programs.
Like the thing with bike lanes. Trying to police minimum length gap between car and bike is a waste of time.
Complex problems need a variety of attacks. Not just a slacktivism campaign, and feel good we have done something.

I live in China. There are very few police here to be seen. I feel infinitely safer here than I ever did living in parts of Melbourne. It's a society thing.

[LostDoggy]

Great post BIDS54.

Unfortunateley when their are children caught between the firing lines in such toxic domestic enviroments it would be a lot harder especially for a women who is the victim to leave the abuse behind her.