Gary Buckenara opens up on his battle with depression and struggling with life after football

[Axe Man]

Gary Buckenara opens up on his battle with depression and struggling with life after football

I’d reached my lowest point.

It was in 1994, not long after having being sacked as coach of the Sydney Swans, and I was back in Western Australia with my young family.

We were there for family support as money was running out and I was struggling to find work.

Following my playing days at Hawthorn and coaching career, I always felt confident something else would become available in the AFL or with the media.

But as time went on, it became clear I was regarded as damaged goods and basically thrown on the scrap heap at the age of 35.

I felt a total failure that had let down my young family.

That combined with a perilous financial situation and my mother’s death four years earlier sent me into a very dark place.

The tipping point was lining up at a Centrelink in Fremantle to apply for the dole, and I found it so hard to accept my life had come to this.

After applying, I got in the car and drove out to the end of the south wharf at Fremantle.

I parked the car, wrote a note to my family to tell them I was sorry and then proceeded to the end of the rocks.

I sat there and contemplated going for a very long swim and not coming back, but thankfully I couldn’t do it.

When I got home, I spoke to my wife Annette and told her I was just in a really low, dark place.

It all came out of me at once.

That I wasn’t happy and couldn’t even feel happy, that we had no money, I had no job and had just applied for the dole and needed help.

From there, I spoke to psychologists and got on medication, and things started to work a bit better for me.

I spent a lot of time talking to different psychologists and changing medications trying to find the right fit for me.

It took some time, but I found what worked and today I’m in a better place.

Although, I still need to be careful about getting too down and to always be aware of how I’m feeling.

It’s just about changing your way of thinking, and seeing the glass as half full rather than half empty.

Life can throw a lot of negatives your way if you let them get to you, and that’s how you can fall into that really dark place.

But there is another way.

THE ROOT OF MY CHALLENGES

At Hawthorn as a player, I was very fortunate to forge a successful career and play in four premierships during the 1980s.

There were, however, tough times as well.

Some you may know about, such as injury issues that plagued me after I hurt my knee in the 1983 grand final.

Away from the on field, there were other issues bubbling away.

I lost most of my football money and a house in Hawthorn after being ripped off by a player manager I’d naively signed with prior to leaving Perth.

Then my mother, Dawn, was paralysed in a car accident in 1985 and died five years later, aged 60.

After finishing up as a player, I wanted to continue in football and had set my sights on becoming an AFL coach.

Partly because I felt I had learned a lot from Allan Jeans, and also I saw it as a way to financially fight back while staying involved in the game.

I had a year at Fitzroy in 1991 under Robert Shaw and the following year I was sounded out by Essendon to possibly take over from Kevin Sheedy.

Kevin was rumoured to be heading to Sydney, but he ended up staying at the Bombers.

Then Sydney approached me and after some negotiations I accepted an offer to coach them, which again was naive of me.

At the time it was exciting and I believed I could make a difference, but I soon found out there were many issues I didn’t know about going in.

For one, they basically had no facilities to train on during the summer.

I had only one trainer during those months, while no doctors or physios came to training.

Often I helped the trainer strap ankles before training and acted as a property steward carting around the training gear and footballs.

I then soon realised the private owners were prepared to pay only 50 per cent of the salary cap, and were happy for our best player in Greg Williams to leave because of money.

It was not what I thought it would be and I had more on my plate than trying to coach an AFL team with these issues to deal with.

After 25 games and a record of only three wins and a draw, I was sacked and, to a degree, I was relieved about it.

I knew I could not help them given the total lack of support and services for the players and for myself as the coach.

The AFL moved in to sure up the Swans and started to inject some dollars in the club and negotiate a better access deal at the SCG, an upgrade of the facilities and bring in some high profile players to start a rebuild.

Unfortunately, this was not afforded to me during my time there.

AFTER SEEKING HELP

After seeking help for my depression while in Western Australia, things started to improve.

I found a good job coaching my old club Subiaco in the WAFL, as well as doing some special comments for the AFL games in WA on the ABC.

Slowly I began to feel better about myself and my future.

Then in 2000, Peter Schwab was appointed Hawthorn coach and asked me to join him as an assistant coach.

I did this for three years until I became the club’s recruiting manager at the Hawks in 2004, a role I held until 2015.

In that time I’d helped put together the list that won the 2008, 2013, 2014 and 2015 premierships.

I was blessed to be a part of eight flags at Hawthorn as a player and administrator, but I felt it was time to maybe look at helping another club.

I felt very underappreciated and taken for granted, so I resigned from the Hawks and was staggered that no club was interested in my recruiting or list management expertise.

The politics and jobs for mates in the AFL was bigger than I had imagined, and maybe I was considered a threat to others at AFL clubs and therefore ignored.

This again had an effect on me, and I hit another very low point.

This time, however, I knew how to handle this and I quickly sought help, which put me back on track.

To this day, I do have to constantly recognise my state of mind, and in particular the feeling of being a failure and those thoughts of self-loathing.

I am lucky to have strong support from my wife Annette, my family and great mates.

Football, golf and fishing also keep me grounded and on track.

I do, however, realise many other footballers and athletes have not been as fortunate.

IT WAS NEVER SPOKEN ABOUT

When I was playing, it was never discussed.

Players might describe themselves as “flat” or “down” on the back for a bad injury, but depression?

Never spoken about and not understood.

I understand why people out there feel that their football and sporting heroes all live a blessed life and that they have a privileged way of living.

That is certainly true to a degree for the modern full time player or sportsperson, but It was not always the case and many players and sportspeople from the 1960s, 70s, 80s and 90s.

Many struggled to cope with life after their careers ended, whether it was due to long term injuries or not coping with the euphoria of playing and competing and the adulation that came with it.

The support just was not there, and a large majority of those athletes were left to fend for themselves.

This led many down a path of alcohol and gambling that most often led to severe depression, self-loathing and becoming reclusive through shame.

Some players through that era lived on their footy money, which wasn’t huge but substantial at the time.

A lot had jobs on the side but a lot didn’t, relying on their footy money

When footy ended a lot had nothing to fall back on and a lot fell on hard times.

There was no post care or planning for life after footy like there is now.

A lot got on with their lives and did well, but there were still a large number that fell on hard times.

Thankfully, these days struggling with depression is not seen as being weak.

It’s an illness, but back then not much was known about it and athletes were supposed to be ‘tough’.

WHY IM TELLING MY STORY

I know from experience the dark place is very hard to escape from if you don’t seek help.

This terrible disease can affect anyone in society.

My story continues to this day and, due to COVID-19, my job was recently made redundant.

I have also been diagnosed with an illness called Polymyalgia Rhuematica, an inflammatory disorder which is quite debilitating without strong cortisone medication.

So I face another challenge, and with the love and support of family and friends I will battle the current challenges.

I also know I’m now in a better frame of mind to be able to cope with these challenges.

Life is a rollercoaster of challenges and ups and downs, and hopefully my story can help people understand there is light at the end of the tunnel regardless of how dark it gets.

When you share your story with someone who can listen and help, the light does slowly return if you’re prepared to work on looking for the good things in your life.

As we come out of this global pandemic, there will be many facing financial ruin and I fear this could set off a wave of people falling victim to this terrible illness.

If you start to feel that you have nothing left to offer your family or the world, please be brave and speak up as there is help out there and it does make a difference.

Just recently, Shane Tuck - the son of my great Hawks teammate Michael Tuck – tragically took his own life.

This hit me hard as I was in the same position 26 years ago, but I found the strength to somehow go on.

I now see my three beautiful grandchildren, Blake, Harry and Lilly, as a blessing because I sought help.

To the Tuck family, my heart breaks for you all and hopefully my story and Shane’s story can help someone on the edge of doing the same.

Please take care, be happy, stay positive and stay safe.

If you or someone you know is in need help, call Lifeline on 131 114, visit lifeline.org.au, or call Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636

[Grantysghost]

Wow that's a compelling read thank you for sharing.

[Axe Man]

A young guy I know from my footy club passed away this week, fantastic footballer, great young bloke with his life ahead of him.

Another guy I know through sport and professionally passed away about a month ago. Around 40 years old with a wife and son.

I wasn't close to either but I never would have suspected these tragic events in a million years.

It's a epidemic. Please seek help if you need it and be on the lookout for anyone struggling.

[bornadog]

One of my daughters old school friends committed suicide this week, suffering from depression. I knew her mother through the Kayak programme my daughter use to be part of but haven't seen them for awhile. It is shocking when this happens as you feel something could have been done, but not having experience in this area, I don't know what the situation was.

[merantau]

A very compelling read especially, as has been pointed out, we are faced with an uncertain future and many challenges in a lot of cases.
I know as I get older I see more and more of my contemporaries passing on and it makes me think hard about my life and what I need to do to give it meaning and purpose. Stay safe and positive friends and talk to people. A problem shared is a problem halved.

[Remi Moses]

Tremendous read and brave from Bucky
Men need to talk more and be more open
I could imagine there were many players then and now not playing due to mental health issues
I think we’re more open now than what we were , but there’s still a stigma .
Sadly

[Axe Man]

Tremendous tribute from Tom Papley to Tyson yesterday.

[bornadog]

Tremendous tribute from Tom Papley to Tyson yesterday.

Did you know Tyson? Very sad situation.

[Bulldog Revolution]

If you haven’t seen this it’s worth a watch - Dermott discussing Majaks comeback
https://www.foxsports.com.au/afl/afl...f709d127314b02

[Axe Man]

Did you know Tyson? Very sad situation.

Yes, that’s who I was referring to above. Our senior best and fairest winner last season. Very sad situation. I fear the toll that this latest lockdown is going to take.