I want them to proceed with this because I want to see them try to police it but also because it'd surely be death knell of these deluded vandals.

Maybe just grease the players up Rene Kink-style between quarters.

Or stretch a giant tarp over the field, turn the sprinklers on and make it a big slip-n-slide. Interchanges could be made by giant water slide. You can splash your opponent but NO tackling, 'kay?

You know that's only mildly more ridiculous than whatever they're planning for the next instalment of AFELX.

Their evangelical obsession with more goals = more $$$ is dangerous.