Overheard in an alternative universe close to Princes Hill over the months from mid last season to yesterday.
Look Jack we know you've never really been away, and it's hurt us as much as it's hurt you to have to pretend we hate you, but gee John those comments about paying sheilas off have embarassed us and we are going to have to say nasty things about you to the journos, but you know we don't mean them... and of course Christmas lunch is on as usuual... and when they've forgotten about it we'll welcome you back with open arms just like we always do. In the mean time it would help if you kept a low profile.
Ellioitt mumbled, That will give you time to fix up the wine menu cause standards are slipping and although I don't pay I can't be expected to drink second rate plonk. Can you get the Grange back for Chrissie?
Sticks rang him a few days ago, That lunch was really good and I loved all those stories about how you hid things from the media and the public, we could do with some of that right now... and uhm... J-ack do you remember what I said about the low profile?
Sticks you know I only pay attention to anything you utter when you say it's your shout. Low profile, pigs arse I'll be PM yet.
Yes John, that was a bad idea cause we need to create a media leak about our lunch.
Bugger Sticks, I've told you time and time again that not only can't you trust them, but you never, never ever tell them what we really think about them. God knows they're stupid, but they get really upset when someone says so. It's the one unforgiveable sin of media relations, the great trick is pissing in their pockets without them realising that what you've done stinks.
By the way who thought up that slogan about smell? Sack the bastard, he's too smart for his own good, attempted cleverness like that will get us into trouble, never give the opposition a comeback... and that one... well my great, grandchildren think they are talking about the players wearing nappies. Christ knows some of them act like they need one but ... get the bloke back who thought up the Visy ambassadors, the AFL has never realised it's a greater rort than any I even imagined. Salary cap pig's arse.
Jack I need to cut in, what you're saying is very interesting but we've got a crisis and we need your help.
I knew you would at some stage, you do, and so will IXL, and Fosters, and Waterwheel and the Liberal party, they'll all realise they can't do without me. Yes, yes, of course I'll take over the Presidency, must have been a tough gig for a poor bugger like you.
No, no Jack, we love you.. but those days are over. I need your help to confuse our friends in the media one more time... and I need to know you're up for the job or we'll have to talk to the ghost of your old mate George Harris.
Gees Sticks that's really scraping the bottom of the barel, how much bad luck are you trying to bring on the club mentioning names like that, you'll show you've completely lost the plot and mention Ian Rice next.
Yes it was a bad idea, it's side tracking you. It's only 9.30 am how much have you had to drink already?
Well I finished the left over half bottle of Petrus with the bacon and eggs at about 8am and I had a rest and a couple of tinnies so it's been a light morning so far.
OK Jack I've got the media on my back and I'm going to not hide the fact we had lunch the week before last and I want you to say it's a private matter when they ring you. Can you remember that?
Can't I tell them what a generous host you are and how the Blues will win the Premiership if those socialsts at the AFL don't keep stopping us from buying all the best players from the other teams.
No Jack I need you to be your statesman like best.
Gees... it must be serious... it's two decades since anyone's said that to me.
Yes it is and we're desperate or I wouldn't have asked... I mean bothered, you. I need all the support you can give the club and to stay with the strategy, no ad libing this one.
Ok, I'll do my Sergeant Schultz impersonation, 'I know nothing'. The media love that one it gets my face all over the TV and they keep asking for more. I've done it for years when I didn't want to answer the question. They all fall about.. but even I don't think it's funny anymore. I just laugh at them.
Just don't tell them anything, an exasperated Sticks grumbled as he hung up.
TBC
Last edited by alwaysadog; 02-01-2010 at 10:44 AM.
I believe there's nothing on this earth that we own. All we do is look after it for our children - Terry Wheeler
From the look of this they won't be feeding too well - They all have a go at us about our finances but have a look at this Is your AFL club in the black? Herald Sun
When some thought things couldn't get worse for them, this pops up.
I believe there's nothing on this earth that we own. All we do is look after it for our children - Terry Wheeler
So nice to read this after Carlton has raved on for years about us being the poor club.
I sometimes try and look into the future and wonder how clubs such as Carlton will survive, seriously where is the supporter base?
On past mum and dads handing it onto the kids? At this rate kids wont follow them.
Certainly geographically they dont have an open land area to explore new housing estates and bring in new fans.
Corporates who have held them up for years have been under the hammer the last 5-10 years as the truth comes out on their illegal activities.
I doubt they will ever be a powerhouse again.
No one concerned about our position?
It's been mentioned on here numerous times (by yourself and others) that debt reduction must now be the administration's priority.
Hopefully getting a major win in regards to the Bulldog Hilton provides an additional revenue stream that will allow us to bring the debt down reasonably quickly.
Are you more concerned after reading the article?
Our 1954 premiership players are our heroes, and it has to be said that Charlie was their hero.
To quote famously from Mr Elliot....What a "tragic" culture.
Carlton suspends Betts, Houlihan and Walker
By Mic Cullen 4:52 PM Mon 04 January, 2010
CARLTON players Eddie Betts, Ryan Houlihan and Andrew Walker have been further punished by the club in the wake of the team's alcohol-fuelled unofficial Christmas breakup cruise, with the board slapping one-month training bans on all three and making them unavailable for the 2010 NAB Cup.
Betts was arrested in the Melbourne CBD for public drunkenness, while Houlihan and Walker were thrown out of Crown Casino for similar behaviour.
All three have already been fined $5000 by the Blues, the maximum allowable under the collective bargaining agreement.
85, 92, 97, 98, 08, 09, 10... Break the curse!
Well that should be good for the club, separate 3 players from the rest so they dont knit in with the future game plan etc...
I cant see this doing any good for team bonding or playing as a team.
No apology to the young lad or his family either.
What does everyone think of the punishment for the 3 players?
For what it's worth I think they have probably got it about right.
[B][COLOR="#0000CD"]Our club was born in blood and boots, not in AFL focus groups.[/COLOR][/B]