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A long time ago I was a frequent patron of Charlie Sutton’s (now defunct) Albert Hotel in Essex Street. Fellow patrons were Sheffield Shield and Test umpire, Jack Collins, Sheffield Shield umpire, Keith Butler, District cricket umpire Peter Collins, former Footscray player and District umpire Bruce Neate and the long standing Footscray Thirds captain, Terry Mc Kenna.
Inevitably the discussion would turn to cricket and I would stand there mesmerised by the experiences of Jack and Keith in recounting their days in the Shield and Test arena. Finally, after a disastrous season with the bat playing for Footscray United in the Footscray Cricket Association, I approached Jack as to how I might get into this umpiring caper.
I went into it with a view that I was probably capable of playing District thirds as a player but if I could reach district seconds as an umpire that would enable to be part of higher level than I could play and I would be happy with that.
So started a career which through a lot of guidance from the Albert Hotel patrons and a huge amount of good luck saw me become the 68th Umpire (over 100 years) to officiate in a Test Match in Australia (I offered Peter Mc Connell $100 to swap with his number 69 but he refused)
Having been encouraged by Lemmon and Sockeye to tell a few stories and relate some of my experiences, I have started this Thread on Woof. If it all gets too boring, let me know and I will revert to EJ Smith diehard Bulldog supporter. My apologies to the Generation X and Gen Y people, I go back further than that.
As this is a public forum, I ask that my comments stay here because my name, unlike our pseudonyms normally used, is now “out there” And we know that some newspaper journalists are amongst us. Please also don’t copy and paste any of this to others.
Rex
I thought it best to approach this featuring some of the characters I have tangled with. Firstly:
RM Hogg
I first came across Hoggie in a District game when he played with Northcote. His team had been knocked over by about 5.30 on the first day leaving them 20 minutes or so to bowl at the opposition. Now, as every cricketer knows, this is not the time to bat. Quicks not generally known for their placid demeanor often become even more rabid when given two or three overs at the opposition in fading light. This was one such occasion. Hoggie came bursting on to the field clearly fired up to hit the track hard.
In he fires with his first thunderbolt from my end – no ball (Hogg: &%*$&#). Back into his next – no ball (Hogg: &%*$&#) third ball – big appeal for a catch behind – Not out (Hogg: &%*$&#) Fourth ball – no ball (Hogg: &%*$&#) And so on it went. By his second and now last over because of the number of no balls in his first he lets one go – another big appeal for a catch behind – Not out. He stands in the middle of the pitch. “You won’t fn give anyone fn out caught fn behind and all you can fn do is call fn No ball.” I replied, “I’ll make a fn deal with you. You don’t put your fn foot over the fn line and I won’t fn No ball ya!”
A few years later I’m umpiring my first Test match Australia v India at the SCG. This was immediately after the compromise of World Series Cricket and the Establishment so blokes like Hoggie and Border were playing with Lillie, Marsh and Greg Chappell for the first time
Lillie opens the bowling from my end and at the end of the over Hoggie takes over. At the end of his over the ball is returned to Lillie who takes one look at it and says, “Hey Hoggie, shine the fn ball will ya?” Another over goes by and the pill gets returned in the same shape, “For chrissakes Hoggie shine the fn ball” Another over goes by and again the ball come back looking like a cake of soap. “What is fn wrong with you, why won’t you shine the fn ball? Hoggie Replies,” I can’t” Why not? “Because I’m wearing the wrong pants!”
Lillie turns to me and yells, “Did you hear that Rex? He can’t shine the ball because he’s wearing he wrong fn pants! Where do they get these %&$*# from? The whole field breaks up.
In India’s second innings Hoggie opened from the Paddington end which is a little uphill to the wicket. After his first three balls he starts going crook as he’s walking back to his bowling mark and says out loud to nobody in particular, “This is a shit of a game” Next ball, “How can anybody fn bowl from this shit end?” Next ball, “This is a mongrel of a wicket” And so on it goes. After another over and a half of him complaining what a shit of a game cricket is, he lets one fly.
The thing with Hoggie is he bowled at about 80% pace then every once in a while he would let one rip which would hit the deck and absolutely take off. This was his strength, the ability to get one to go from nowhere and lift awkwardly.
Such was this one which took off on Gavaskar who got a glove to it and Marsh took a great catch in the right hand top corner. As I raise the finger I say to Hoggie, “Not a bad game this?” to which he replies, “This is a great game and don’t you love playing here?”
A couple years later, Hoggie opens the bowling for Australia v England in the Boxing Day Test at the MCG. The great moment in cricket I reckon is the first ball from the Southern end of the MCG in the Boxing Day Test. I take his jumper and call “Play.” Now every patron, player and umpire is tense and jittery as the first ball is delivered in front of the roar from the crowd. All except Hoggie who let’s go this half ratpower delivery that doesn’t even get within the cut portion of the pitch and bounces four times before it gets through to Marsh. WIDE!
I remember thinking at the time, WTF was that?
A few minutes later and he lets one go – G Fowler c Chappell b Hogg 4
The man could bowl – absolute character
Next : GS Chappell
Inevitably the discussion would turn to cricket and I would stand there mesmerised by the experiences of Jack and Keith in recounting their days in the Shield and Test arena. Finally, after a disastrous season with the bat playing for Footscray United in the Footscray Cricket Association, I approached Jack as to how I might get into this umpiring caper.
I went into it with a view that I was probably capable of playing District thirds as a player but if I could reach district seconds as an umpire that would enable to be part of higher level than I could play and I would be happy with that.
So started a career which through a lot of guidance from the Albert Hotel patrons and a huge amount of good luck saw me become the 68th Umpire (over 100 years) to officiate in a Test Match in Australia (I offered Peter Mc Connell $100 to swap with his number 69 but he refused)
Having been encouraged by Lemmon and Sockeye to tell a few stories and relate some of my experiences, I have started this Thread on Woof. If it all gets too boring, let me know and I will revert to EJ Smith diehard Bulldog supporter. My apologies to the Generation X and Gen Y people, I go back further than that.
As this is a public forum, I ask that my comments stay here because my name, unlike our pseudonyms normally used, is now “out there” And we know that some newspaper journalists are amongst us. Please also don’t copy and paste any of this to others.
Rex
I thought it best to approach this featuring some of the characters I have tangled with. Firstly:
RM Hogg
I first came across Hoggie in a District game when he played with Northcote. His team had been knocked over by about 5.30 on the first day leaving them 20 minutes or so to bowl at the opposition. Now, as every cricketer knows, this is not the time to bat. Quicks not generally known for their placid demeanor often become even more rabid when given two or three overs at the opposition in fading light. This was one such occasion. Hoggie came bursting on to the field clearly fired up to hit the track hard.
In he fires with his first thunderbolt from my end – no ball (Hogg: &%*$&#). Back into his next – no ball (Hogg: &%*$&#) third ball – big appeal for a catch behind – Not out (Hogg: &%*$&#) Fourth ball – no ball (Hogg: &%*$&#) And so on it went. By his second and now last over because of the number of no balls in his first he lets one go – another big appeal for a catch behind – Not out. He stands in the middle of the pitch. “You won’t fn give anyone fn out caught fn behind and all you can fn do is call fn No ball.” I replied, “I’ll make a fn deal with you. You don’t put your fn foot over the fn line and I won’t fn No ball ya!”
A few years later I’m umpiring my first Test match Australia v India at the SCG. This was immediately after the compromise of World Series Cricket and the Establishment so blokes like Hoggie and Border were playing with Lillie, Marsh and Greg Chappell for the first time
Lillie opens the bowling from my end and at the end of the over Hoggie takes over. At the end of his over the ball is returned to Lillie who takes one look at it and says, “Hey Hoggie, shine the fn ball will ya?” Another over goes by and the pill gets returned in the same shape, “For chrissakes Hoggie shine the fn ball” Another over goes by and again the ball come back looking like a cake of soap. “What is fn wrong with you, why won’t you shine the fn ball? Hoggie Replies,” I can’t” Why not? “Because I’m wearing the wrong pants!”
Lillie turns to me and yells, “Did you hear that Rex? He can’t shine the ball because he’s wearing he wrong fn pants! Where do they get these %&$*# from? The whole field breaks up.
In India’s second innings Hoggie opened from the Paddington end which is a little uphill to the wicket. After his first three balls he starts going crook as he’s walking back to his bowling mark and says out loud to nobody in particular, “This is a shit of a game” Next ball, “How can anybody fn bowl from this shit end?” Next ball, “This is a mongrel of a wicket” And so on it goes. After another over and a half of him complaining what a shit of a game cricket is, he lets one fly.
The thing with Hoggie is he bowled at about 80% pace then every once in a while he would let one rip which would hit the deck and absolutely take off. This was his strength, the ability to get one to go from nowhere and lift awkwardly.
Such was this one which took off on Gavaskar who got a glove to it and Marsh took a great catch in the right hand top corner. As I raise the finger I say to Hoggie, “Not a bad game this?” to which he replies, “This is a great game and don’t you love playing here?”
A couple years later, Hoggie opens the bowling for Australia v England in the Boxing Day Test at the MCG. The great moment in cricket I reckon is the first ball from the Southern end of the MCG in the Boxing Day Test. I take his jumper and call “Play.” Now every patron, player and umpire is tense and jittery as the first ball is delivered in front of the roar from the crowd. All except Hoggie who let’s go this half ratpower delivery that doesn’t even get within the cut portion of the pitch and bounces four times before it gets through to Marsh. WIDE!
I remember thinking at the time, WTF was that?
A few minutes later and he lets one go – G Fowler c Chappell b Hogg 4
The man could bowl – absolute character
Next : GS Chappell
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